I grew up in a culture where there were different rules for men and women. It seemed that my role as a daughter was to serve my father and my brother until I got married then I would serve my husband. As a girl, I wasn’t important, I didn’t matter. 

My Dad would cut my hair, so my hair would alternate between being a massive afro to being cut really short and boyish.  When I was really little, maybe 4 years old, I remember being on the bus with my mother and a lady on the bus mistook me for a boy – even though I was wearing a dress.  As a teenager, there were many occasions when I got mistaken for a boy because of the baggy clothes I wore and the short hair. 

After school, I lost weight and I noticed I was getting a lot of attention from men – even old male relatives, which creeped me out.  I had to hide again and make sure my femininity wasn’t seen. 

I was raised as a Catholic and I grew up feeling ashamed/guilty of any sexual urges.  I hadn’t considered sex as something that was natural; it was something that had to be hidden.  I never felt fully expressed in a sexual relationship and I didn’t ask for what I wanted. 

A few years ago, I went to see a doctor and she diagnosed me as having PCOS and told me (without conducting any tests) that I wouldn’t be able to have children.  I felt defective as a woman and I was upset that the option had been taken away from me (even though having children wasn’t definitely on the cards for me). 

I chose to suppress my femininity, my sensuality, my sexuality. I didn’t let anyone into my heart.  I was always guarded, flippant (pretending that I didn’t care and that I was okay) and being a victim.

It was constraining, exhausting, frustrating.   

In the Landmark Forum, I got to see that I was sexually and emotionally repressed; I made myself feel guilty and ashamed over the “story” I’d make up about myself, my life and my role as a woman.  I chose to put an end to being a VICTIM.  Instead I chose to be a CHARLIE’S ANGEL!  What that means to me is being sexually liberated, sensuous, sexy and proud!  ROCK ON!

This has allowed me to stop tolerating being single, to take action around meeting single men and to be excited about the possibility of being in a relationship.  I am taking action!  I have been to three course dinner dating and I have even signed up to a couple of online dating websites (which is something I thought I would NEVER do).  I no longer say that “N” word!  Anything is possible!

Olga, Brisbane, Queensland