I have participated in Landmark Education programs for a number of years and the programs have provided me with many breakthroughs in my life. Here is one that was and still is very important to me.

When I was in 6th grade I reluctantly performed in a talent show with my sister at school. Reluctant because I am Croatian and I didn’t want to perform Croatian songs in Croatian costumes (The guy’s costume kind of resembled a dress) because I really thought I would be made fun of. However we actually won the talent show, and when I got back to class I got huge applause. I was like WOW, they really like me.

I figured out that if I performed well, people might like me and I could be popular. So I became very good at performing Croatian/Serbian/Bosnian music and actually achieved a great deal of success, but it was never enough. So I tried performing like other popular people or performed a different style that I thought was better. I switched in and out of bands or the people in them always trying to find the right recipe for popularity. It was like the search for the Holy Grail and I got frustrated and angry. I even resented the people I performed for because I HAD to do this for them to like me. Just me alone wasn’t enough.

While in the Landmark Forum I saw that I created this as a way to fix the problem of not being popular. It was in seeing this, that my relationship to it immediately altered and I was left with freedom. I didn’t need to use the music and performing as a way to be popular. I could actually just enjoy the music for the love of it and enjoy being with the people I am performing for.

Performing today is an incredible joy and privilege and it’s my gift to people. When I perform in front of people today I’m amazed at the relatedness we have with each other. It is as we’re in the same band together. I love seeing people leave happy and satisfied and that I was able to make a difference in their lives. That is just how awesome performing is for me today. Funny but when I stopped looking for being popular, I got popular.

–Joe K.